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Never again

January 1, 2011 on 1:13 pm | In Uncategorized | No Comments

Forgive me if I don’t make any New Year’s Resolutions.

You see, it was a New Year’s resolution that led me to behavior that almost killed me.

New Year’s Eve, 1990. I’m 18 years old, in love with a boy who is completely indifferent to me, yet strings me along, seemingly for fun.

He’s cheated on my for the last time, I vow. I break it off.

I vow to lose the 20 extra pounds I carry and make him want me.

I spend New Year’s Eve scarfing down a cheeseburger, fries and a bag of my favorite chips.

I wash it all down with Coke and Mountain Dew.

At midnight, I pour what’s left of my 2-liter down the drain.

And I’m done.

The next day, I eat Lean Cuisines and drink Diet Pepsi.

For the next two months I avoid junk food and nurse on a water bottle.

And I do it. I lose the 20 pounds.

And he’s jealous. And he wants me back.

Of course I go back.

I learn that that is a good way to lose weight: binge all you want—you know, get it out of your system.

Over the next 16 years, it’s a tactic I employ time and time again.

Only, I don’t wait for New Years; I do it all the time.

And it doesn’t work. Oh, the bingeing works just fine. I am the queen of binge eating.

But the getting it out of my system? Doesn’t happen.

I balloon to 336 pounds. I am sick.

You probably know the rest by now.

I know lots of people make New Years Resolutions that work.

But if you don’t mind, I’ll skip that tradition.