Springtime has always been a mixed bag for me, emotionally.
On the one hand, the flowers! The return of green grass! Wait…is that the chirping of birds I hear????
It’s hard to be down and depressed when your surroundings are popping with color and the sun feel so good on your skin. So yeah, like most humans, I love spring.
But when I was heavier, and my eating was out of control, spring always seemed to signal some sort of panic. Like I didn’t know all winter that eventually, the weather would warm up and the clothes would get smaller. Every year, the calendar snuck up on me and I greeted the changing of the seasons with dread and despair…and desperation. Quick…can I lose 100 pounds by June?????
So okay….spring reminded me that summer was coming and I was still fat.
Then, I had gastric bypass in the spring of 2008, along with weeks of complications. The spring that year should have held the extra promise of finally getting my body under control; instead, March, April and May of that year are but a blur. I feel like I missed an entire spring, and when I finally came out of it, I hadn’t a clue as to how to get better.
Now, I’m finally getting to enjoy Spring as I’d always imagined it. Full of beauty…and of hope. Three years after my surgery, my health is no longer spiraling out of control, and truly, there is no accurate way of quantifying that feeling.
All I feel…..is grateful.